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Trials and Tribulations

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15. THE DEPARTED (2006)
The insulter: Sergeant Dignam (Mark Wahlberg)
The situation: The Boston Police Force set up a stakeout and
Dignam gets a little pissed with the attitude of the tech geeks they
hired to wire the place up.
The insult: “I’m the guy that does his job. You must be the other guy.”
Why it rules:
It’s just one of a slew of insults from Dignam’s acid-tipped tongue. Fuckin’ A.

14. POINT BREAK (1991)
The insulter: Agent Antonio Pappas (Gary Busey)
The situation: The FBI agent reminds a cocksure Keanu Reeves that he’s been around the block a few times.
The insult: “I was taking shrapnel in Khe Sanh when you were crapping in your hands and rubbing it on your face!”
Why it rules:
Keanu Reeves totally did that as a kid.

13. WAYNE’S WORLD (1992)
The insulter: Garth Algar (Dana Carvey)
The situation: The straggly-haired rocker convinces Kurt Fuller’s lackey that his TV producer boss is a douchebag.
The insult: “Benjamin is nobody’s friend. If Benjamin were an ice cream flavour, he’d be pralines and dick.”
Why it rules:
Imaginative and disgusting – no one would eat ice cream flavoured like pralines.

12. ROXANNE (1987)
The insulter: C.D. ‘Charlie’ Bales (Steve Martin)
The situation: Colossaly-conked Charlie is challenged to think
of twenty insults better than ‘Big Nose’. This is the best of the
bunch, but “When you stop to smell the flowers, are they afraid?” runs
it a close second.
The insult: “Is that your nose or did a bus park on your face?”
Why it rules:
It reminds us of when Steve Martin was funny.

11. THE LAST BOY SCOUT (1991)
The insulter: Joseph ‘Joe’ Hallenback (Bruce Willis)
The situation: When confronted by a street thug, Hallenback defaults to comedy mode to distract him (before smacking him up something neat).
The insult: “Your mother’s so fat I
had to roll her in flour and look for the wet spot. If you wanna fuck
her, you gotta slap her thigh and ride the wave in.”

Why it rules:
No one writes barbed put-downs like Shane Black (see also #7).

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