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Trials and Tribulations

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5. PREDATOR (1987)
The insulter: Dutch (Arnold Schwarzenegger)
The situation: After a rumble in the jungle with his
intergalactic enemy, Colonel Dutch finally comes face to face with the
Predator and dashes his hopes for a snog.
The insult: “You’re one ugly motherfucker!”
Why it rules:
No need for witty one-liners here: straight to the point and devastatingly brutal, even for an alien.

4. GET CARTER (1971)
The insulter: Jack Carter (Michael Caine)
The situation: Returning home to find his brother dead in
mysterious circumstances, professional killer Jack re-introduces
himself to the snivelling Eric.
The insult: “You know, I’d almost forgotten what your eyes looked like. Still the same. Pissholes in the snow.”
Why it rules:
Try and stop thinking about it next time your girlfriend asks if you like her eyes.

3. GONE WITH THE WIND (1939)
The insulter: Rhett Butler (Clark Gable)
The situation: Having had all he can stand of Scarlett’s whinging and whimpering, Butler puts his bitch on ice.
The insult: “Frankly my dear, I don’t give a damn.”
Why it rules:
Back in the 1930’s, this was worth a million ‘motherfuckers’.

2. MONTY PYTHON AND THE HOLY GRAIL (1975)
The insulter: Taunting French Guard (John Cleese)
The situation: Atop his castle, the French guard pours scorn on King Arthur and his “silly kerrniggits”, spitting down vitriol like acid rain.
The insult: “I don’t wanna talk to
you no more, you empty headed, animal food trough wiper. I fart in your
general direction. Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of
elderberries.”

Why it rules:
It’s hard to argue with that sort of reasoning. And he is French.

1. FULL METAL JACKET (1987)
The insulter: Gunnery Sgt. Hartman (R. Lee Ermey)
The situation: Tubster Private Pyle dares break a smile while
having his hair dryed by his furious drill sergeant. What followed were
the most brutal, most heartless and most downright hilarious insults in
movie history. It’s almost impossible to pick one amongst a tirade that
lasts several minutes (“You look like you could suck a golf ball
through a garden hose,” “I didn’t know they stacked shit that high,”
“Looks to me like the best part of you ran down your momma’s crack and
ended up a brown stain on the mattress,” and so on) but pick one we had
to…
The insult: “Did your parents have any children that lived?”
Why it rules:
Breathtaking in its brevity, it’s an insult so devastating, the recipient kills himself later in the picture.

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